Men jokes -2

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? - At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

How is a man like a snowstorm? - Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

Why do men name their penises? - Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

What is gross stupidity? - 144 men in one room.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What is the thinnest book in the world? -"What men know about women."

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

What is a man's idea of doing housework? - Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

Why is a woman different from a PC? - A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? - Sex.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?- Guilt gifts are nicer.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? - His wife is good at picking out clothes.

How is a man like the weather? - Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? - They're married.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any.

How do you know if a man is lying? - His lips are moving!

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? - Because if they all went, it would be Hell!

What's the difference between men and pigs? - Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? – 1 Miss her, 2 Pity her.

Why do men come home drunk and leave their clothes on the floor? - Because they are in them.

What does a man call true love? - An erection.

Why are marriend women heavier than single women? - Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."

How do most men define marriage? - A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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Men jokes

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

Men are gonna be the death of me... but what a way to go!

Men are great! Every woman should own one!!!

Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are the reason that women hate one another.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what *else* is on TV.

Men give love to get sex, Women give sex to get love.

Two aliens were discussing earth beings.

"So what do you think of them?" said the first. "Well," the other replied, "I liked the intelligent ones, but I wasn't so keen on the ones with testicles."

Men of quality respect women's equality.

Men play the game. Women know the score.

Men? On the whole, I'd rather buy new batteries.

Q: How is a condom and a woman alike?
A: They both spend more time in a man's wallet than on his penis.

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Q: When does a man develop a brain?
A: The day he gets married.

Q: Why don't men die in their sleep?
A: Cos they can't do two things at the same time.

Q: Why do men prefer blondes?
A: Men always like intellectual company.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? -Dating children.

Taken from: menjokes.torch.net.pl

We must not forget to say "Thank you"

Today American people celebrate Thanksgiving. In my country we don’t celebrate it or I don’t think we have similar holiday, but it sounds to be a good one.

People are always focused on what they want to achieve and crazy in chasing it. After achieving one goal they start running after another one, and that’s not something bad at all. Everyone must have his goals and work hard to get what he wants. That make people improve themselves, feel happy and be successful. But we must never forget what we have already achieved and what we have. Sometimes maintain what we have takes as much efforts as gaining it. But that’s the challenge of life, achieved goals differ winners and losers.

We must never forget that the greatest gift we have is the love of the ones we love- our family, our friends and of course our life partner. These people make us what we are and we must never take them for granted and must be thankful we have them every day!

Never forget to say “Thank you” because next time you may not have a reason for saying it.

Funny Quotes

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control..

I must get in shape for my vacation

I have one month till the start of my winter vacation. I have big plans and I pray everything will be all right and according to the plan. But a part of if includes swimming pools and swimwear… oh, and here it comes the question “do I look good enough in swim wear?”. It’s the winter now here and under all of the clothe no one can see if I have gained some weight or my body is not perfect shaped… but in a month it will all show up!

I was very nervous and stressed lately and my best cure for that is eating sweets and chips in front of the TV every evening… and I can see the results right on my butt and belly. I’m afraid to try my swimwear because I’m afraid I’ll see a whale in it. I have to do something.

After last night I eat two packs of chips and two chocolates watching the perfect skinny legs and flat belly of Eva Longoria, I thought: “I have to do something”. But what exactly? I’m sure there’s no woman on the world who desn’t want to be in a great shape and her man to be crazy about her. But we still can see many overweight girls walking outside, so looks like it’s not that easy.

FOOD - First I have to stop eating sweets and chips late in the night. In fact I have to stop eating junk food at all and my latest meal must be no later than 19:00h. I must stop fizzy drinks (I don’t have much), sweets, fried food, white bread. I have to take more fruits and vegetables, nuts and food with less preservatives.

EXERCSISE – It’s healthy and irreplaceable way to loose weight and shape your body. The most popular way is just to go the closes gym. There are some little rules that makes exercising more effective- I don’t eat more than a hour and a half before exercising and hour and a half after. For loosing weight it’s good to do easy exercises but repeating them many times.

ORGANIZATION – it’s easy to say “I’ll do it some day” but it’s not enough and it doesn’t work. I must make a schedule and follow it without exceptions. So I must take the calendar and mark the days when I will be exercising. It’s good to be 3 times in a week. And no matter what comes up, I must follow this schedule. I think for me it’s going to be two times a week.

LITTLE MOTIVATIONS – Sometimes details happens to give the big result. So some little things might be helpful.

- Someone to take after. When I do something, always remember the goal I want to achieve – perfect body. So I find a good picture of a model and put it to a place where I can see it every day. Hahah it’s very helpful to place it on the fridge, so every time I open it I can think twice what will I take out of there.

- Sexy little dress. I can find my favorite dress that shows much of my body and I can put it on every day. It will show the results of my efforts. And I’ll be waiting for the day when I’ll feel absolutely comfortable to go out wearing it. And is there a better reward than hearing “You look beautiful” from the man I want?

- Nice sport clothes. I must buy a nice sport clothes, so nice that I won’t resist to get in them.

I can’t promise I’ll go all that, but I already have a plan. And the good plan is the first step to success.