How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? - At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How is a man like a snowstorm? - Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Why do men name their penises? - Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
What is gross stupidity? - 144 men in one room.
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
What is the thinnest book in the world? -"What men know about women."
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
What is a man's idea of doing housework? - Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
Why is a woman different from a PC? - A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? - Sex.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?- Guilt gifts are nicer.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? - His wife is good at picking out clothes.
How is a man like the weather? - Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? - They're married.
Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any.
How do you know if a man is lying? - His lips are moving!
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? - Because if they all went, it would be Hell!
What's the difference between men and pigs? - Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? – 1 Miss her, 2 Pity her.
Why do men come home drunk and leave their clothes on the floor? - Because they are in them.
What does a man call true love? - An erection.
Why are marriend women heavier than single women? - Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.
Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
How do most men define marriage? - A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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