Funny Quotes

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control..